The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
