Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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