4 words: hood of his car
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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