I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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