I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
