Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
