I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this boner is exhausting
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
