Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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