...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
