I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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