Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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