Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
