Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish you could order shots online.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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