anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
