In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
