Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
