I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
