i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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