So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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