it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
