two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
