I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
