Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
