why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
