i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
