and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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