Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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