....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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