Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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