btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
