somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
