and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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