You work out of a Hotel?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
