i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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