i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
