Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
