i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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