Whod you bang
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
