I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
