Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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