Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
