and she was petting her beer can
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
