laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
