My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
