the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
