Your face is a jimmy john
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
