he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
