Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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