Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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