i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
