1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's never too late to be topless.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
