So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
