Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
