so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
