physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
