Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
