Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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